Jun 11 2008
“Leggo My Ego”
I have this friend (who will remain unnamed) who adores Oprah. She even once uttered the words “if Oprah told me to jump off a bridge, I’d do it.” I love my friend dearly, and while I dont claim to have the same allegiance to Oprah, I AM admittedly on the bandwagon of her recent endorsement of Eckhart Tolle’s new book “A New Earth.”
It’s a dense and heady read, and it’s one of those books that has been taking me much longer than most books to get through (since I tend to read at night when I’m winding down to attempt to go to sleep), as I find myself having to read it like a text book in order to actually process the information and ideas being employed. While dense and heady, it is also quite simple in its lessons…but in that way that most valid spiritual philosophies are “simple.” The idea that our attachment to pleasure and our aversion to pain is what causes all suffering is a “simple” concept to intellectualize, but somehow immensely and painstakingly impossible to put into our bank of permanent experiential wisdom.
But, in that warm, fuzzy Oprah-like fashion, I can’t help but find humbling and obvious relevance to what Tolle is saying in each new section that I read (and re-read with a highliter).
Tonight’s section honed in on “Reactivity and Grievances.” At the core of Tolle’s philosophies (at least from what I’ve read so far) is this concept of the “Ego.” I know this word gets tossed around in social and psychological contexts left and right, but (if I may so boldly attempt to reiterate) Tolle explains the “Ego” as being the illusion of self that we perceive as separating us from everyone (and everything) else. That is to say, there is no distinction. There are no distinctions. This human tendency to create an illusion of dinstinction and separateness is what Tolle sees as being the root dysfunction of humanity.
I couldn’t help but feel a bit ashamed as I read through the few pages that break down with such poignant brevity the unnecessary harm that grievances can cause in our lives. While I consider myself to be one who, at the very least, strives to live progressively and consiously, I couldn’t help but shake my head at how much power I have allowed personal, petty grievances disrupt my life and peace of mind.
I’ll quote Tolle: “A grievance is a strong negative emotion connected to an event in the sometimes distant past that is being kept alive by compulsive thinking, by retelling the story in the head or out loud of ‘what someone did to me.’”
Jesus…how many nights have I sat up much later than I should have only to mentally rant about how pissed off I was at so-and-so for doing that utterly dispicable thing “to me??” it’s amazing how much power we can give away…not even TO others (because that would just be another illusion of the ego, right?) …but just to the power of negativity. Tolle points out that in holding grudges, you are essentially saying “I am right, and THEY are wrong.” Not only is this a compelte and utter indulgence of the ego, but it is useless as well.
“The truth, in any case, needs no defense” Tolle says. (Duh, right?) If one is trying to defend what they perceive as being the “truth” of a situation, it is a wasted effort, since the truth will be true regardless of whether or not someone is there to defend it. Defending a perceived truth is merely indulging in an emotional reaction to a situation, and a further abuse of the ego. And let’s face it…when do we ever really defend the “Truth” so much as our opinion of what we think is right or wrong. It is only in gaining the awareness to make the distinction between an event and our emotions surrounding that event that allow us to free ourselves from these harbored grievances and negative reactions.
“Stick to the facts,” Tolle says.
Again, easier said than done, but I can’t ignore the blatancy of the truth in what Tolle is saying.
He goes on to address the more mundane human reality of this practice as well. “Don’t try to let go of the grievances,” he says. “Trying to let go, to forgive, does not work. Forgiveness happens naturally when you see that it has no purpose other than to strengthen a false sense of self, to keep the ego in place.”
Alright, Eckhart. I’m workin’ on it. I guess I could surrender my plans to egg the car of that one guy who screwed me over back in high school (or the one who screwed me over a month ago) in the name of personal growth.
Just kidding about the egging, of course…
…kind of.
3 Responses to ““Leggo My Ego””
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Sorry everyone…I accidentally made the last 3/4 of the post one giant link to the official website of Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth.”
I’m still new and dont know how to go back and fix it, so just wait to click until after you read it if you can.
well, I certainly agree with much of what Tolle writes. I too am intrigued by his new book, but haven’t gotten through too much of it yet.
I guess it strikes me as both tragic and ironic that “grievances” play such a powerful role in our lives. we are all at their mercies one time or another, and quite frequently its effects on us is pervasive and continual. scary.
but I must admit I don’t quite get his response to them. He says to not try and let go of the grievance, that to let go or forgive only reinforces the falsity of the ego… so what does he suggest, simply to allow the clarity of understanding to release the power of grievances? I have always assumed (in the general vein of buddhist thought) that letting go and forgiving - anything, or anyone, any thought or mind habit -is one of the most powerful tools for witnessing the falsity of the ego, and tapping the deeper center of self within.
Just some thoughts, not sure if I can understand these brief quotes out of context, surely thats dangerous, but just wanted to throw it out there.
Thanks for that, Jess.
I agree with you, Jess, that forgiveness is powerful and necessary. I guess my interpretation of Tolle’s take on forgiveness is that it isn’t something that one should “try” to do, but that forgiveness (much like the relief of suffering in Buddhist thought) comes along with the awareness that in holding on to grievances (or, in Buddhist terms, “attaching” ourselves to something), we are indulging in what you called “the falsity of the ego.”
I share your tendency to think along the lines of Buddhist vernacular, so in that context, I suppose I see grievances (in the context of Tolle’s book) as being one in the same with attachment. Similarly, I guess I would view our forced attempts to “try” to forgive as simply being a diversion…just a DIFFERENT attachment. Or, in Goenka’s terms, an “aversion” to our grievances. Instead of trying to undo our attachment to grievances, which still indulges in the concept of the ego (ie. “I” should forgive what was “done to me,” etc.), the awareness of the true nature of the Ego (or impermanence, Anicca, etc) would free us not only of our attachments to grievances, but to our tendency to think in terms of “I,” which I guess would include the idea of forgiveness.
In other words, “trying” to forgive (according to Tolle) is still an attachment to the idea that something was “done to us,” and therefore still an attachment to the Ego.
Whew.